Losing control

What I am trying to lose control of?

It was hard for me to make my friend understand why I changed my mind after just one drink? It was not so much of an experience as it was a reflection on what you want to gain through drinking. Have you ever done something crazy, something that really is out of line behavior for you? Like say….Enter a class full of 30 students and shout something really crazy to get their attention! Oops sorry I guess I do that very often now. Although, it took me some time to do that without any thought of a back reaction. Say enter an unknown party and do something really stupid like dancing alone on the floor. That "letting yourself go", and hence losing the control is different from losing your brain’s judging capability. What do you say? This may seem a little self contradictory to most, as doing something out of line usually involves breaking so many complexes a person has. And it requires discipline to change oneself, right? hell no! not always.

I remember, as master’s student we were ragged in girl’s hostel. Not serious kind of ragging at all! They asked me to dance. I was fear struck I could hardly move my feet, damn! I did something really funny and ended up being more embarrassed than ever. Not that I don’t like dancing, but it just didn’t occur to me that, I can. I tried learning and now I am pretty good at it, but still I cannot put my step down and say - let us dance girls! I know you will say get drunk, dance and once you have done that you will not feel this kind of block in your mind anymore. Well what you consider success, if it doesn’t come out of your sound mind, does it really make any sense? To be totally awake and then experiencing the magic of change is so consuming than anything else that you can ever imagine.